


Hysteric

by speakgenerally



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Light BDSM, M/M, Possessive Behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-19
Updated: 2013-02-19
Packaged: 2017-11-29 19:53:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/690808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speakgenerally/pseuds/speakgenerally
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel comes back without any memories and Dean is fading away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hysteric

When Gabriel comes back the only thing he knows is that he doesn’t know anything. He feels like Gabriel and not like Loki, although he knows that’s still a part of him too. He’s pure, purer than he’s been in awhile, but he knows what he is. He knows he’s an Archangel and Pagan God, he just doesn’t know why that’s all he knows.

He can feel Michael, and Lucifer and he knows that can only mean one thing. He is shit dab in the middle of the Apocalypse. There are other angels -lower level on earth that aren’t supposed to be here. There are demons everywhere there dark weight in the air. There are reapers at every corner and he wonders how everyone seems to think of this as normal. The humans don’t know, he thinks, it’s not too late. 

Two men and an angel -a Seraph, walk by him without a glance. Something is seriously wrong here. Gabriel turns to follow them. The three go into a diner. Gabriel appears beside them after they have finished ordering. 

“What the hell, Gabriel?” The youngest, and yet biggest says startled. 

“You know who I am?” Gabriel asks and he’s shocked that these humans seem to know who he is. 

“You do not remember anything?” The Seraph asks, Castiel Gabriel now knows his name. The other human has not moved since Gabriel’s arrival and Gabriel looks over. 

“You know who I am as well?” Gabriel asks and the human nods his head and Gabriel wonders why the human’s eyes are so sad.

***

Castiel speaks to Gabriel and explains what has happened up until now. Huh, Gabriel thinks, I wonder what Father is doing now? Gabriel, although without his memory, is strong enough to be on his own without the protection of these three. However, he is also not stupid and knows that he doesn’t really know what’s happening so he decides to stay with them. He knows his strength will come in handy even if his brain will not.

“Dean, are you okay?” Gabriel shouldn’t eavesdrop, he knows, but the elder hunter seems to be avoiding him as well as the others. Gabriel wants to know what’s bothering Dean. 

“ ‘m fine, Sammy,” Dean says tiredly, running a hand over his face before looking at his brother. Sam doesn’t believe Dean, but Gabriel does not hear Sam question Dean's lie, only Sam walking away and Dean sighing. 

It’s been a few weeks since Gabriel has come back. Sam says that he likes Gabriel better now. Gabriel catches Dean flinching when Sam says this, but Sam doesn’t notice. Castiel turns to look at Gabriel as he watches the situation and turns on Gabriel seriously. 

“Do not get involved,” Castiel says and Gabriel can’t help but admire Castiel for trying to tell him what to do. Castiel with his fading powers, Castiel up against Gabriel -Archangel, Messenger of God and more powerful than Castiel can even imagine. Castiel should know better than to challenge Gabriel. 

“Do not speak to me as though we are equals, Brother.” Gabriel may have respected Castiel for trying to step in but that doesn’t mean that Gabriel won’t show Castiel his place. Besides, Dean is hurting, or in pain and maybe Castiel doesn’t think he should step in but Gabriel isn’t going to stop. There is something about Dean that Gabriel can’t put his finger on. 

It’s a few days later that Gabriel is alone with Dean. Dean is anxious and won’t look at Gabriel. Dean will look everywhere _but_ Gabriel. Gabriel wonders if he’s thinking of a way to escape without looking like he’s doing so. Gabriel watches Dean’s every move. He knows Dean has lost a lot of weight. He can see how pale and malnourished he is. The black circles under Dean’s eyes show the sleeplessness and exhaustion. Gabriel doesn’t like this. He can’t remember Dean from before but he knows that Dean would be angry at what he’s let himself become. 

“Do I scare you?” Gabriel asks and Dean jumps. Gabriel thinks this might be it because Gabriel is powerful, could crush these three like bugs. Maybe Dean is afraid of that since he’s only dealt with angels like Zachariah and Lucifer and they are nothing like Gabriel. Maybe Dean isn’t sure of that. 

“Uh no,” Dean replies his eyes darting to Gabriel’s for only a split second before flitting away. 

“Do you not like me?” Gabriel asks because maybe this is it. Gabriel knows what he was, knows what Loki is capable of, he just can’t remember actually doing anything in particular. Maybe Gabriel had done something to make Dean unable to forgive him, even in this seemingly innocent state, like Sam and Castiel seem to have done. There’s a wry smile on Dean’s face as he shakes his head. Dean does not look over as he speaks. 

“I like you just fine,” Dean says and gets up and leaves the motel room. Gabriel is confused. He doesn’t understand Dean Winchester and he wants to. He really, really wants to.

***

“Dean, you gotta eat more than that man,” Sam is trying to be subtle but he’s too loud for Gabriel and Castiel to do anything but hear him. Dean glares at Sam.

“I’m not hungry,” Dean says through gritted teeth. Sam looks lost. 

“Dean, I think you brother is right, you should eat more. That is not enough sustenance to keep you healthy,” Castiel says and Dean smirks at Castiel. Dean smirks at Castiel and Gabriel has seen that smirk before. The smirk that says ‘alright, I’ll do what you say but don’t say I didn’t warn you’ -Gabriel wonders if Castiel understands human’s enough to understand that. 

Dean eats and eats and eats. Castiel is glaring, and so is Sam. Gabriel’s face is blank. Castiel and Sam cannot say anything. They told Dean to eat more, and he’s eating more, eating enough to make him sick. 

Dean is hilariously unfunny. 

“You’re acting like a child,” It’s Gabriel who speaks this in chastisement. Dean looks hurt for a moment, and then betrayed and then his face is blank. Gabriel wonders what Dean is thinking about to look at Gabriel in such a way. 

Dean doesn’t speak for the rest of the night. There is nothing to do tonight, nothing to research, to kill, or to salt and burn. He showers quickly, and goes to bed facing away from Sam, Castiel, and Gabriel. Sam suggests they go to Gabriel and Castiel’s room. Once there, Sam opens a bottle of whiskey and pours it into a cup, and offers it to the two angels, both decline. 

“You still don’t know what’s wrong with him?” Sam asks and there is only a sliver of hope to his words and Castiel shakes his head. 

“No, I do not know what is wrong with Dean,” Gabriel can tell that Castiel is lying. Gabriel wonders if he should let it go, it’s not his place really, and it wouldn’t look too good to have Gabriel side with Sam instead of his own kin. But it’s Dean so Gabriel calls Castiel out. 

“He’s lying,” Gabriel hears himself say, and his voice is rough and slightly angry. Castiel shoots him a dark look. 

“What? You know? How long have you known and not told me? He’s fucking fading away and we need to help him. You need to tell me what’s wrong with him!” Sam is upset and it is completely rational. Gabriel is also upset, and hides it. Gabriel knows that it isn’t right. 

“There is nothing we can do, Sam.” Castiel’s words are final. Sam does not relent. 

“Maybe there’s nothing you can do, but there’s something I can do. Or maybe Gabriel? Gabriel may not remember things but he’s stronger and more powerful than you. Maybe you don’t want some other angel taking over your human, huh? Is that it? You’re jealous that someone else can heal him and it’s not you?” Sam growls darkly, and Gabriel doesn’t know if there is any truth to Sam’s accusation but he feels white hot anger radiating off of Castiel so he can’t be certain that Sam’s point isn’t valid. 

“Sam, although my powers are fading I still have enough to kill you were you stand so do not speak to me as if you could even comprehend what I am or what I can or cannot do,” Castiel’s eyes flash. Sam doesn’t back down. “If Gabriel was able to help Dean he would be healed, but even Gabriel’s powers cannot help Dean.”

Sam doesn’t say anything. Castiel moves to the bed on the farthest part of the room and sits on the edge. Sam drinks his whiskey slowly. Gabriel wants to find out what’s wrong with Dean because maybe he could fix it, and even if he can’t he’d still like to know. Sam doesn’t ask again and Castiel doesn’t give anything away.

***

“Cas, do this as a favour to me,” Gabriel hears Dean pleading around the side of the motel. Gabriel feels ashamed that he’s glad for Castiel’s fading powers because that’s the only reason why Castiel doesn’t sense him and continues speaking.

“Dean, it isn’t necessary,” Castiel voice is low but strong. 

“I think it would really help. I can’t have this anymore. It makes it worse. I just need you to take it off. Get rid of it because I can’t look at it anymore. I can’t feel it anymore. It makes me sick, okay? It makes me sick and it keeps me up and I can’t sleep. I am so tired. I’m so tired, okay? So please, just take it off.” Gabriel has no idea what they’re talking about. He doesn’t know if this is the entire conversation or if he’s stepped in at the worst part. 

“It will be very painful,” Castiel says but Gabriel hears the sadness, and the resignation. Castiel is going to do what Dean wants even if he doesn’t want to. 

“It can’t be worse than what I’m feeling now,” Is all Dean says before they start to move around the corner. Gabriel vanishes and then appears in the motel room where Sam is looking at him curiously until the door opens to Castiel and Dean. 

“Dean and I are going to check out some leads, you two continue to research, and we will be back in a few days,” Castiel disappears before Sam or Gabriel can say anything.

“Do you know what that’s about?” Sam asks and Gabriel isn’t sure. 

“I know it has nothing to do with checking out leads,” Gabriel says and Sam purses his lips. 

“Do you know what’s wrong with him?” Sam asks and Gabriel shakes his head. 

“No, but I’m trying to find out,” Gabriel explains and Sam nods his head. 

“He’s not himself anymore. You don’t remember what he used to be. He was brash, and out there, and he didn’t give a fuck and he was alive. He’s not like that anymore, it’s like somebody ripped out all his insides and now he’s just this shell. Dean on the outside and nothing on the inside. I want him back. He needs to come back,” Gabriel knows Dean has a soul, a beautiful soul at that, something that is bright. Gabriel would love to hold it, and feel the warmth of it. Gabriel knows that his grace is transfixed by Dean’s soul, but he doesn’t know if that’s supposed to happen.

***

Dean is drunk when Gabriel gets him alone again. Dean is fucking plastered. He’s been sleeping off the injury of demons throwing him through a wall, or that’s what Castiel said had happened, but Gabriel doesn’t believe it. Castiel took something from Dean, as Dean had asked, and now Dean needs to heal.

Dean has been cold for days, always needing extra layers, even more so than before. Gabriel wonders if Dean has always been cold or if this is all to do with whatever is ailing him. Gabriel gives Dean an extra blanket and it looks as if he’s at a loss. 

“Thank you,” Dean says quietly pulling the blanket around himself and closing his eyes.

“No problem,” Gabriel replies. Dean reaches blindly for the bottle of whiskey and drinks straight from the bottle. Gabriel should stop him. He doesn’t. Gabriel wants to speak to Dean and is not above having Dean intoxicated to get his answers. “Dean, Sam has mentioned how you have changed recently, and I’m wondering why that’s happened,” Gabriel asks and he tries to sound comforting and caring and gentle so Dean tells him. Dean glares and takes another swig. 

“Sammy needs to mind his own damn business,” Dean slurs darkly. 

“He cares for you. He wants to see you better. I would like to see you better. Please, tell me what’s hurting you?” Gabriel asks and Dean snarls. “It has to do with me, doesn’t it?” Gabriel asks and for a split second thinks he’s lost his mind, but he knows deep down that it has to be himself. He is the new addition and now Dean is sick and hurting. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Dean says and Gabriel hates how broken Dean sounds. 

“It does. Just tell me and I’ll fix it,” Gabriel says with a touch of pleading in his voice. 

“There is nothing to fix,” Dean says and takes anther swig. “You don’t remember and you can’t remember and you’re not going to remember so there is nothing to be done.”

***

Two weeks later they have all grown bitter and anxious. Dean will not speak with Sam. Castiel will not either. Gabriel feels as if he and Sam are on a team and that they are going up against Dean and Castiel. Although Team Gabriel and Sam has size, power and intellect Dean and Castiel have insider information. It seems as if they are winning, or rather everyone seems to be losing.

Gabriel is getting angrier and angrier by the minute. Dean can barely stand with how weak he is and no one is doing anything. He is at fault and he knows this. Gabriel cannot contain himself as he throws the table he’s sitting at to the other side of the room. 

“You two need to leave now,” It’s more than obvious who Gabriel is referring to. Castiel should not fight, but he will. 

“Gabriel, you do not understand-” Castiel begins and it only makes Gabriel see red.

“Do not tell me what you think I can comprehend. Do not speak to me as if you are my superior. You, Castiel, will listen and do as I say or you will face the consequences. I have let this go on for far too long, and I am not going to stand for this any longer.” Gabriel’s words are sharp and crisp, no room for arguments this time. Sam leaves because he trusts Gabriel enough to help his brother. Castiel leaves because it was an order.

“Dean, look at me in the eyes,” Gabriel says as if he’s trying to trap a small skittish animal, and Gabriel doesn’t think the comparison is far off. 

“Just leave,” Dean says, and Gabriel moves in closer. “Please just stay away from me,” Dean is begging but if Gabriel has to scare Dean to help him, well, then he’ll do it because it has to, not because he wants to. 

“Dean, let me help you,” Gabriel says and Dean turns away. 

“You don’t remember. You don’t remember. It doesn’t matter. You have to leave. You have to get away from me. I can’t take it. It hurts so much. You have to stop. You have to get the fuck away from me,” Dean is hysterical, voice rough with tears and his eyes blood shot. When Dean turns and looks at Gabriel for a split second Gabriel sees the fear in Dean’s eyes. Fear and so many things, so many memories flash quickly it feels as if time has stopped. 

Gabriel breathes deeply, the memories categorizing and putting themselves into chronological order. Gabriel stops, and looks up sharply at Dean. No, it can’t be.

“We were bonded?” Gabriel asks as fear runs up his spine and shame dances up behind. Dean stills, tense, and nods once. “You were mine?” Gabriel says it trying to grasp the meaning because he doesn’t remember but he knows it must have been wonderful, must have been divine to have Dean as his own. 

“Eternity is a long time,” Dean says and Gabriel feels his vessel’s ribs ache and he can feel his chest contract. That must have been something he said.

“The injury from demons?” Gabriel asks but he already has an idea. Dean shrugs. 

“I couldn’t keep looking at your markings on me,” Dean’s eyes are rimmed red, and he’s facing Gabriel now but he still won’t meet Gabriel‘s gaze.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you fucking tell me that I’ve been killing you?” Gabriel is upset and now he’s irrational. 

“Why? Because it doesn’t make a goddamn difference if you knew or not. And I don’t want you looking at me with fucking pity because I love you and I remember everything and you don’t. You just don’t and you can’t and there’s no fucking point because there is nothing we can do,” Deans shaking and now he looks at Gabriel and Gabriel can see and feel the pain radiating off of Dean. When Dean speaks his voice doesn’t shake even if his body does. Dean’s voice is low and raw but his words are steady. “And for as much pain am I’m in I can’t seem to hate you. I don’t want you to hurt. So, what’s the point in telling you something that we can’t change and will only make you feel bad? There isn’t one. Now leave me alone so I can try to pull myself together.”

Gabriel doesn’t leave. He watches Dean. 

“Did I tell you were beautiful before?” Gabriel asks softly and Dean nods and feels strange for telling Gabriel something that Dean finds personal even if Gabriel was the one to say it. “Good. You should know that you are.” 

“Gabriel,” Dean’s voice is breaking and pleading with Gabriel to stop. 

“Did I show you how much I loved you? Did you trust and believe that I did?” Gabriel asks and he knows this is hurting Dean, but he needs to know. Gabriel was never able to curb his selfish behaviour.

“You did, and most of the time yes,” Dean replies and wishes he could stop answering. Gabriel moves closer and Dean wants to step away but he doesn’t. He can’t. He can’t stop himself even if it’ll make everything worse. 

“Did I satisfy you? You never felt the need for another?” Dean’s breath hitches. 

“I never needed anyone else,” Gabriel moves closer, chest touching chest. 

“You still need me?” Gabriel asks and doesn’t mean for it to feel like salt rubbed in wounds. 

“I’ll always need you,” The words are ripped from Dean’s throat because he doesn’t want to say them, and he doesn’t want to mean them. But he does. He needs Gabriel so bad that it doesn’t matter if everything else is broken and hurting as long as Gabriel’s alive. Dean thinks that’s what love is. He also thinks that it’s the worst feeling in the world. 

“You cannot sleep, or eat or stop hurting because you miss me,” Gabriel says and it’s not a question. “You miss my warmth, my grace, my love,” Gabriel continues, “I can give it back,” Gabriel tells Dean and Dean looks at him like he’s a murderer. 

“I don’t want pity, and I don’t need charity. I can deal with this without you playing pretend.”

“But you are not dealing with it. You cannot deal with this alone. I am asking you to be mine again,” Dean moves away, as if the closeness makes him sick, and maybe it does. 

“You don’t fucking get it,” Dean says shaking his head, “You don’t get that I’m still yours,” Again Gabriel feels everything stop for a moment. A long, lung constricting moment -Gabriel feels as if he can’t breathe, even if he doesn’t need to. 

“We are still bonded? That can’t be. If I was dead the bond should break. Castiel took the markings off that means that the bond is broken or else they would still be on your body,” Gabriel with lightning speed lifts up Deans shirt and sees the scars along his lower stomach, but passed that -under the scarred flesh is Gabriel’s marking. 

Gabriel is shocked. He has lived for millennia and he is shocked at how resilient Dean Winchester is. Dean should not be alive if they are still bonded. To be without Gabriel’s touch, and grace, Dean shouldn’t be able to move. Gabriel knows that what he’s about to do will anger Dean, but he cannot stop himself. If this human loves him so much to go through agonizing pain and loss for him than he can take the anger and the outrage that Dean will throw at him. He wants Dean better, and if he has to do something unseemly to have that happen then he will. This is what Gabriel believes love is. 

“Strip,” Gabriel orders and Dean looks at him with betrayal in his eyes. Dean strips. Dean strips because he has to listen to the command. He is still bonded to Gabriel, still owned by Gabriel. Dean cannot disobey. He never was completely okay with having Gabriel have that much power over his responses, but Dean knew that Gabriel would never hurt him, would never do something to break Dean’s trust in Gabriel. He’s unsure if this Gabriel has that in common with his former self. Part of Dean likes it, part of him likes that Gabriel is ordering him around because that shows that Gabriel is still here. It shows Dean that they might be able to be together again and that’s all Dean cares about.

Dean is thin, much too thin. His skin is pulled tight over ribs, his hips jut out far too much, and it does not suit him. Weakness does not suit him and that holds Gabriel‘s attention. Dean agreed to bond with Gabriel, to love him, and to have another weakness that could kill him and Gabriel is enthralled.

“Get on the bed,” Gabriel says after Dean is naked. Dean does as he’s told and lays on the bed. Gabriel starts to strip and Dean starts to hyperventilate. 

“You need me close. My body will bring you comfort,” Gabriel explains as if Dean doesn’t know. Gabriel lays down beside Dean and wraps his arms around Dean‘s body. Dean can’t help but do the same to Gabriel. Dean sighs as their bodies meet and their skin flushes against one another. Gabriel’s over heated body meeting Dean’s cold one. Dean closes his eyes and hates that he’s in love with Gabriel. Hates the way his body reacts to Gabriel’s. Hates that he’s missed this so much. 

Dean doesn’t know how long he sleeps wrapped around Gabriel’s body, but when he wakes up he feels rested, and he hasn’t felt that way in a long time. Gabriel is awake and running his fingers through Dean’s hair. Gabriel marvels at how perfect Dean is, at how much he wants Gabriel, and how much Dean would do for Gabriel. Gabriel finds he feels that same for Dean even if it should be too soon.

Gabriel understands now better than ever why his Father loved humanity best. At how much work and complexity that goes into their seemingly fragile bodies and weak minds, but they are nothing like what Lucifer thinks of them. They are strong, beautiful, and far superior than any angel could imagine. Gabriel cannot believe one of them actually allowed him to brand them, to own them, to love them. Gabriel wants his memories back so badly and he hopes that the taste of Dean’s skin might help Gabriel recover them. 

Gabriel won’t frighten Dean anymore, so he slowly extracts himself and snaps into existence food for Dean. He is far too thin and weak. Dean needs his strength. Gabriel doesn’t put on clothes because he knows that Dean enjoys the view even if he doesn’t like that he does. 

“Would you like to eat?” Gabriel asks nicely and Dean, although it’s not an order, begins to get up. Gabriel notices Dean shielding his nether regions and is surprised. Dean is aroused because of him. It shouldn’t be so shocking. Dean tries to eat quickly, but Gabriel slows him down because Dean’s stomach will become upset. Dean just wants to go to the washroom and get rid of this or go back to bed and forget about it. It’s hard, literally, because Gabriel is so close, and naked, and Dean knows Gabriel’s power and the strength. Dean loved being under Gabriel, being taken slow or fast, or hard or soft or however Gabriel wanted him.

Dean never thought of himself as gay or straight and Gabriel’s the only being that has ever taken him. Dean realized a while ago that’s the only way he could be, that everyone before meant nothing, were nothing, compared to Gabriel. Compared to something so beautiful, and powerful that could kill Dean but would rather love him. 

“Did you want to go back to sleep?” Gabriel asks after Dean has had his fill. Dean nods. He’d really like to go to the bathroom because this is kind of awkward. Part of Dean wants Gabriel to feel awkward for making Dean sleep next to him and want like he did before. Now Dean wants something he can’t -shouldn’t have, so yeah, he’ll make Gabriel feel uncomfortable if that’s all he can do. 

They lay on the bed again. This time Dean is on his back, hard cock against his belly and no shame whatsoever. Well, there is some shame, but Dean hopes he’s hiding it well. Dean remembers a time when Gabriel would be all over him without a second to spare. Gabriel is on his side watching Dean. Dean can see Gabriel’s hand before he feels it and tenses up before Gabriel’s fingers run up and down his chest. 

“You are aroused by me?” Gabriel asks and Dean snorts. 

“What made you guess?” Dean asks humourlessly and then tenses again as Gabriel’s hand moves lower. 

“Sometimes I can’t believe how beautiful human’s are. How beautiful you are. My Father did a brilliant job on you. I just don’t understand how he makes you in order to sin, or to have others commit it for you. Your body was created to lust after. Since you have slept I have been thinking of things I want to do to you, things I saw in your mind that you let me do. Things that you begged me to do. Why give me cake if I can’t eat it as well? And Envy, those who were envious of me because I had you and those who were envious of how special you are. Oh, but I must have been so greedy with you,” Gabriel can’t stop himself from grasping Dean’s cock and Dean gasps and his hips move on their own accord. “You just gave and gave and I took, didn’t I Dean? I took you again and again and again and you’d always let me take more. Right, Dean?” Dean nods his head, unable to speak because it’s true, and Dean would let Gabriel take him right now even if he’d hate himself after. 

“And wrath? The things I would do for you. The things I did for you. I’m stronger now than I once was. My priorities are clearer. I will slaughter any who dare ruin this, ruin you, for me. Pride, oh and that is what got Morningstar, isn’t it? Pride. He would not bow down to you. I will. I have seen how much better you are than us. I would bow down and mean it. Not like Michael, not like Raphael because they will only obey. I would bow down because I mean it. But my pride for you is still a sin, is it not?” Dean is barely listening to Gabriel because Gabriel’s hand is moving slowly up and down his shaft and making him crazy. 

“No one has touched you since I have been gone?” Gabriel asks even though he knows the answer. He just wants to hear it. Wants Dean to say it. 

“No one,” Dean breathes. 

“Do you want me to take you Dean?” Gabriel asks because he knows this is crossing some boundary and he can’t order Dean to let him. 

“Yes,” Dean says as he thrusts his hips up into Gabriel’s hand. Dean doesn’t know whether this is a good idea or not. It doesn’t matter because there is no way he could turn Gabriel down. Gabriel looks into Dean’s eyes and sees everything he needs to know. He sees how to prep Dean, how to make Dean beg to be fucked, and he sees how to do it. Dean is a whimpering mess and Gabriel has never felt so right in his entire existence. He loves the tightness around his vessel’s cock, loves the way Dean rides him, loves how Dean just grunts and moans and begs and he loves how Dean loves to be taken -by him. 

Gabriel leans over and presses his mouth to Dean’s. Dean kisses Gabriel like it’s the last thing he’ll do and Gabriel kisses Dean like it’s the only thing he’ll ever do for the rest of eternity. Gabriel is going to fix this. Gabriel is too smart to let go of Dean now that he has him. 

Gabriel does this face to face, looking into Dean’s eyes the entire time, and looks into his mind when Dean’s eyes are closed. Dean is wholly open to Gabriel now. Gabriel can see, and hear and feel their history. He doesn’t remember it, but he is reliving it, because one day he will embody it. Gabriel knows he was a great actor and this time he will reprise a role of a lifetime. To Gabriel it doesn’t really feel like lying, maybe being optimistic. There is nothing wrong with being hopeful. He will become the old Gabriel, the one that Dean wants, but for now he will learn from Dean. 

Dean comes first all over his stomach, and Gabriel’s fist. Gabriel comes quickly after. As Gabriel begins to pull out he feels Dean try to contract to pull him back in again. Gabriel pulls out and relishes as Dean’s hole practically begs to be full again, clenching down on nothing but air. Dean whimpers at the loss. Gabriel feels the most powerful he has ever felt. And he is. Nothing will stop him now, not when he knows what he has in his possession.

Dean doesn’t move because he’s exhausted. Gabriel is not going to sleep. He is just going to watch Dean until Dean is better. Until Dean is whole again. Gabriel situates himself higher on the bed with Dean’s head on his shoulder curled around Gabriel’s body. 

“Dean,” Gabriel says lightly, “Baby?” Gabriel tries. He saw when he looked into Dean’s mind that he had called Dean this. He also found out that Dean pretended to hate the endearment even if he actually liked it. Dean opens his eyes and looks at Gabriel who is smiling and more open than Dean has seen him since he got back. 

“Hmm?” Dean is too fucked out to respond with actual words. 

“I think it’s coming back to me,” Gabriel says and his voice is unsure but Dean sits up straight. “It’s not everything. But there are pieces that seem to be fitting back into place. Maybe this was some test? Who knows what’s going on? All I know is that I can remember when I met you, that I liked you even if you wanted to kill me and I wanted to kill you. I liked your character. Not to mention that I wanted you bent over for me even then. Oh, pretty boy, I wish I remembered it all, remembered everything,” Gabriel’s eyes are remorseful but Dean is frozen by hope. He doesn’t want to hope again to just have everything ripped out from under him.

When Dean saw Gabriel sitting beside him in the diner like nothing had happened he was frozen because he couldn’t believe his luck. He couldn’t believe that Gabriel was back, and that he wouldn’t be alone anymore. But then he had no memories. He didn’t know Dean, and that’s the Winchester- no, the Dean Winchester luck he had finally showing up. But now, now Gabriel is remembering bit by bit and maybe it’s not how Dean wants, but it’s fine, better than fine because at least Gabriel knows what Dean is to him now. 

“You think being with me helped?” Dean asks and isn’t quite sure what he means by that. 

“I think maybe you actually talking to me, and obeying me, and letting me take care of you, and you trusting me enough to let me have you again helped. It could also be time, that memories gradually come back. Or it could be my Father’s doing and this is how it was meant to be. I don’t know. I don’t even know why I lost my memories in the first place,” Gabriel leans in to kiss Dean again because he can’t help himself.

Gabriel isn’t sure if he wants to see the old Dean, the Dean he hasn’t really met, the Dean that he apparently fell in love with. Gabriel knows that he won’t actually ever have to see that Dean, but he’ll fix Dean up into something that closely resembles that. Because maybe Gabriel’s a liar, but Dean is his. Dean is his bondmate. Maybe old Dean won’t come back and maybe old Gabriel will never come back either, but new Gabriel thinks he’s smarter than old Gabriel. New Gabriel thinks that new Dean will be far more superior than old Dean. So, Gabriel doesn’t care. Dean is his and he’ll do anything to keep him and make him happy.

***

It’s been over a week by the time Gabriel and Dean come out of the motel room. Sam and Castiel don’t say anything right away. Castiel had informed Sam of Dean and Gabriel’s bond and explained why Dean was sick and unlike himself. Sam couldn’t care about the when’s and why’s and how’s as long as in the end whether Dean was with Gabriel or not that Dean was getting better. Sam just wanted his older brother to be okay.

Gabriel allows Dean some space to go speak with Castiel, but he listens to every word. Gabriel isn’t stupid. Sam is trying to not look as awkward as he feels sitting in a room with his brother’s archangel boyfriend that clearly has been sleeping with him for who knows how long. 

“He’s starting to remember, Cas,” Dean says and Gabriel can hear the happiness cut threw Dean’s uncertainty. Gabriel thinks this is what hope sounds like. Castiel doesn’t say anything. “We were wrong, isn’t that a good thing Cas?” Dean tries again and Gabriel does not like how sad Castiel is making Dean feel. 

“It’s great news Dean,” Castiel finally gives Dean an answer and Dean smiles almost shyly. 

“It’s not perfect. He doesn’t know everything, but he knows enough that I don’t feel bad anymore. He knows he loves me and that’s enough right now,” Castiel turns and smiles at Dean. 

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Castiel has nothing more to say and Dean comes back inside. Castiel did not tell Dean the truth. Castiel will never tell Dean. Gabriel knows his secret is safe. 

Dean and Castiel come back into the motel and for a moment Castiel and Gabriel just stare at one another. 

_You never had a chance, Brother._

Castiel bows his head in acknowledgment and tells everyone he is needed elsewhere and disappears. Sam coughs awkwardly, and moves to give Dean a very manly hug. 

“I’m glad you’re back Dean,” Sam says and Gabriel smiles. This is not the same Dean, Gabriel at least knows that, this is his Dean and no one else‘s. 

Gabriel takes Dean back to their room and this time he strips Dean himself. This time he maps out Dean’s body with his tongue and adds this to his memories. He might have to redo everything with Dean but that’s not an issue, at all. 

“I’m glad you’re here. It doesn‘t matter if you don‘t remember,” Dean says and it makes Gabriel stop for a moment, wonder if Dean knows that he doesn’t remember, in this moment Dean is hard to read. Dean spreads his legs and Gabriel feels all that lust, all that greed, all that pride run through him. What’s a little white lie on top of all that? 

Gabriel moves up Dean’s body and leans in under his lips are right beside Dean’s ear. 

“You are mine. You will always be mine. Now that I have you again nothing and no one is going to break us apart again. Do you understand me?” Gabriel asks sharply. 

“Yeah, I’m yours,” And Dean doesn’t question Gabriel, doesn’t expect anything from Gabriel and maybe that makes Gabriel bad, or manipulative. Gabriel never said he was above any of this. Gabriel is just trying to be everything that Dean wants. Is it wrong that Gabriel gets to have everything he wants in return? 

It‘s debateable. And if it is, well, Gabriel can add it to the list of things he needs to make up to Dean. 

_“Eternity is a long time, baby,”_


End file.
